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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26088067">wish i were heather</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksyy/pseuds/ksyy'>ksyy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Based on a Conan Gray Song, M/M, Platonic Romance, Roommates, Sad, Song: Heather (Conan Gray), Songfic, Unrequited Love, bc love conan ok bitch, i know this prompt was supposed to be happy but i crave for angst, sorry lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:54:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26088067</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksyy/pseuds/ksyy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Living together with your best friend, who you also are in love with, is a hard thing to do.</p><p>Especially when Yamaguchi starts to date Yachi, and Tsukishima is just a little envious of her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tsukishima Kei &amp; Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka &amp; Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>TsukkiYama Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>wish i were heather</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i know that this should be happy bUt i wanted to write something based on heather from conan for SO LONG </p><p>sorry if this is not that much about roommates bc it wasn't about it in the first place lol, I adapted a little</p><p>well anyway hope you enjoy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Since when did he fall for Yamaguchi? He truly didn't know. </p><p>Maybe it was when they first met and he was surprised that the boy would be so grateful to him for scaring away those bullies. Maybe it was when he insisted to be with him even when he tried to shove him away, or it was in one of their sleepovers where he would watch the stars on the freckled boy's cheeks while he slept, not the ones on the sky. Probably it was during middle school when Yamaguchi did his best to help Kei during his crisis and to deal with his brother. It could also be when they both entered the volleyball club and he looked so incredible while doing his best to improve that Tsukishima couldn't help but admire him.</p><p>But it wasn't like he cared at all about it.</p><p>In fact, he <em>didn't </em>want to care about it, because he would never, ever tell Tadashi about those feelings. Because he knew that Yamaguchi was his only friend, and he definitely wouldn't risk losing their stable and perfect friendship for something so stupid as a crush.</p><p>Living together with Yamaguchi made it all worse, he had to suppress those feelings way more than he did when they were in high school and endure the urge to do things he couldn't and shouldn't, the entire day. He could try as much as he wanted to pretend he didn't love his childhood friend and now roommate, to make himself believe that, but whenever he woke up and saw the freckled boy making his breakfast with a smile on his face, he felt like falling in love again.</p><p>Even so, Kei couldn't help but imagine how it would feel like to be Tadashi's boyfriend. To be able to kiss him and hug him, whenever he wanted. Feel the warmth of his hands, the softness of his lips. He hated himself for imagining such things with his best friend, he felt like he was betraying him, like it was wrong. So whenever he had that feeling on his chest and couldn't get rid of it, he would try to remember the good moments they had together, especially the most "romantic" ones in his mind, this way he wouldn't have to imagine things that would never happen, he wouldn't be frustrated with the reality. </p><p>Tsukishima recalled each one of those sweet moments with a small smile, but there was a certain day on a cold night that he remembered more clearly than the others. It was third of December, he was staying the night on Yamaguchi's house and they decided to go to his roof to stargaze and watch a meteor show. They were ready to go, but Tadashi stopped him.</p><p>"Hey Tsukki, it's cold outside. Won't you take a sweater?" he looked at him worried.</p><p>"I didn't bring one, it wasn't that cold when I came." </p><p>Yamaguchi giggled, turning back to his room and letting Tsukishima waiting in the living room.</p><p>"Yamaguchi? We'll be late. I'm going without you." he threatened.</p><p>"Wait, wait!" he said in a hurry, coming back with something in his hands.</p><p>It was a sweater. His sweater. Tsukishima remembered that he saw Tadashi using it sometimes when he went to sleep because it was too big for him and he said it was comfy to sleep with. It matched the one that his friend was using, and he thought it was too cute for his own good. </p><p>"Here, take it. I think it's your size." he smiled, waiting for the blonde to take it.</p><p>Tsukishima froze for an instant, suddenly excited with the idea of using Yamaguchi's sweater, one of his favorites, that he gave him without much thought. He put it slowly, and it was a little tight, but he didn't even notice. He was much more focused on the fact that Tadashi's smell was on it, strong as never, and he loved the feeling of being rounded by it, making him feel comfortable and calmer. </p><p>"It suits you! It looks better on you than on me, so unfair." he laughed, going to the door.</p><p>Tsukishima was blushing, his head was repeating the last thing Yamaguchi said in a loop. It wasn't like he didn't receive compliments from his best friend before, it was just that sometimes they hit him harder than he expected. And he would feel guilty, because those feelings would come out of nowhere and refuse to go, making him suffer with trying to suppress it.</p><p>If Yamaguchi knew how much Tsukishima liked him, would he still say it? What would he say instead? Would he hate him? Would he accept it? Would they still be friends? </p><p>"Tsukki, let's go!" Yamaguchi called, taking him out of his thoughts and dragging him to the roof, where they sat and watched as the stars made their show on the sky. Tsukishima watched the stars on Tadashi's skin, the little stars that were now shining under the moonlight and were simply mesmerizing for him.</p><p>He was smiling while he remembered the way Yamaguchi's eyes turned wide and happy when he was talking about the stars, something he truly loved, the way they crinkled when he smiled, and the sound of his laugh that filled his ears.</p><p>But he stopped wandering when he was about to leave his house, searching for his keys to close the door, until he heard a loud thud behind him and some giggles, turning to see what was that.</p><p>He didn't expect to see those same wide eyes full of passion that he was thinking about seconds before now directed to Yachi. The same crinkled smile that now had a light blush to make it even prettier, and the same sweet laugh that Tsukishima thought that he was the only one who knew because Tadashi was too shy to open himself to those he wasn't close with. Turns out he was wrong.</p><p>What a sight for sore eyes.</p><p>Tsukishima couldn't stand watching the scene, so he just rushed to his work, his mind racing. He needed a distraction, anything to keep him from thinking too much about what he just saw. He took his cellphone, but the notification from the team group chat made his heart stop.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Hinata</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>I got a call from Yamaguchi and he said he's dating Yachi!! Lucky Yams!!</em>
</p><p>An answer came right away.</p><p>
  <strong>Sugawara</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>I always knew they would make a good couple hahaha</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Nishinoya</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Aww, they're so cute together</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They didn't talk about him, neither about the fact that he read and didn't answer the messages, and he was thankful for it. He didn't know if he was able of talking about Yamaguchi with them so casually, much less in that situation. Everyone was happy for them. So why Tsukishima felt so mad? Didn't he repeat over and over again that he didn't care, that if Tadashi got a girlfriend he would support him to see him happy? Why was it so hard to make those feelings die?</p><p>"Tsukki!" the usual voice called him from behind. Shit, he forgot that Tadashi could see him.</p><p>Tsukishima took a deep breath before answering, faking calmness. He couldn't let his feelings show, he had to act as he normally did.</p><p>"Oh, hi." he answered, his voice cracked a bit and he cleared his throat.</p><p>"Tsukki, I'm dating Yachi! She just confessed!" he said, a bright smile on his face while he excitedly waved his arms like he won something.</p><p>That smile. That was the same smile Yamaguchi gave him when they first met and started to hang together, and when he was admiring Kei or was happy for making a point. And now that smile, that was brighter than a blue sky and could easily blind Tsukishima and was for such a long time one of his favorite parts of his day, that smile now made him want to die. Because Yamaguchi was smiling for loving someone, and that someone was not him.</p><p>"Ah" the blonde answered "Congratulations, Yamaguchi." was all that he managed to say, wishing that Tadashi didn't say anything about her anymore. It would make things worse, and he didn't know for how long he could pretend he was okay.</p><p>"She's so mesmerizing, Tsukki..." he said, a dreamy smile on his face "I liked her for a while, but never thought she would like me back. I..." </p><p>Tsukishima was interrupted by his cellphone, a calling from his boss, and he never felt so relieved for receiving it. </p><p>"I need to work. Sorry." was all he said before turning and not looking back at Tadashi.</p><p>He couldn't focus at all during his work because his mind eventually was filled with thoughts about Tadashi and Yachi, Tadashi and his girlfriend, and Kei couldn't stand it. He needed to go away. He wasn't okay. He cared, he cared way too much. </p><p>It was the first day that he and Yamaguchi didn't go home together, since they worked close to each other and liked to walk home. Instead, he saw Tadashi at the park with Yachi, holdings hands, kissing, and a silly smile made its way on their faces. Tadashi put his arm around her shoulder, she rested his head on his. </p><p>Yachi was wearing the same sweater he wore on third of December, years before. And he was sure it looked better on her.</p><p>Since when was it getting so colder?</p><p>Tsukishima went straight home, his headphones not helping him to stop thinking for even a moment. The thought of Yamaguchi was always on his mind. </p><p>Yamaguchi and his girlfriend.</p><p>How could Kei hate Yachi? She was kind, a literal angel who did nothing for him to hate her, and he knew she would make Tadashi happy. Happier than he could ever be by Kei's side if, somehow, they were together. What he knew that wasn't happening. Even so, Tsukishima couldn't help but wish she was dead, because if not for her, maybe the pain wouldn't be that bad, maybe he had a chance...</p><p>Who was he trying to fool? It wasn't her fault.</p><p>It was <em>his</em> fault, because he stayed silent, because he didn't even try, because he pretended that he didn't care. Because he lied to himself, thinking that it would make things better, that he wouldn't hurt himself, and now there he was.</p><p>Heartbroken.</p><p>So pathetic.</p><p>So<em> lame</em>.</p><p>He arrived home and fortunately he was alone. He went straight to his room, let his bag on the ground, closed the door, sat on the floor. He took his cellphone and the first message on his notification bar was from Yamaguchi.</p><p>
  <strong>Yamaguchi</strong>
  <br/>
  <em>Tsukki, I had my first kiss with Yachi!!</em>
</p><p>He immediately shut it down. And cried.</p><p>What did he expect? Yamaguchi would never kiss him. Yachi was kind, she was pretty and cute, and she was a girl. She would make him happy, they would be happy together, who knows even marry someday. And Tsukishima? He was not even half like that, and he probably would hurt him, like he did before with his harsh words. But yet.</p><p>
  <em>Why couldn't it be him? Why couldn't it be him and not Yachi? </em>
</p><p>The sweater. She was wearing the damn sweater. Fuck it, it's just polyester, right? A piece of clothing, nothing more. But Yamaguchi told him he looked good on it, and he was happy whenever he remembered that, whenever he remembered how calm he felt when he was wearing it and Tadashi's smell was all over it...</p><p>Did that even matter anymore? He likes Yachi better, and he probably would say it looked good on her so many times, much more than the times he complimented Tsukishima. He didn't want to admit, but he was frightened. He was afraid of being alone, of being left by Yamaguchi. But beyond that, he was afraid of his feelings.</p><p>Of loving Tadashi.</p><p>Because if he didn't suppress those feelings, he would have to watch him and Yachi together, and support them, and be happy for them, while he was dying inside.</p><p>He heard Yamaguchi arriving, calling for him, and he pretended to be asleep. His room's door was open, Tadashi called softly</p><p>"Tsukki?" </p><p>He didn't answer. </p><p>Tadashi got a blanket and covered him. Tsukishima wanted to scream, to tell him everything that was inside his mind, but he didn't. He pretended to be asleep when his mind wouldn't even let him rest.</p><p>The door was closed. </p><p>Oh, how he wished it was him instead.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hEYOOO hope you liked it </p><p>if you want something cute now, feel free to read my day 1 fic: pity party</p><p>it's cute I swear</p><p>oh and follow me on twitter too @luliyts, let's be friends &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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